i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
