Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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