I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
