the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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