I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
