Plan B is the new Plan A
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
