She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
