Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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