I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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