dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
