i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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