i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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