a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
