ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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