do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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