Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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