shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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