I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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