i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
