Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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