oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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