are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
