I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
