just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize