fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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