i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
