He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
