I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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