I need to stop coming to work sober
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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