We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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