I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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