just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
