It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
