If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
