Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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