chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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