yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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