So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
