I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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