i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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