I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
