If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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