oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
