You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
