Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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