these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
