She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
