Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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