Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
