maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
