I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i now understand why vodka
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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