i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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