i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
