So gin and wine won't be happening again
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
