Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
