My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
