I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Duck Duck Cougar?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.