Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
so much tequila, so little girl.