you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
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Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up