highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not