I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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