It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I told you penises don't tan
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.