Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?