His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
