Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
