Joe is yelling at the trees again.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
