she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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