i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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