Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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