i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
