i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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