My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
