is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
