listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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