im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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