just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
