i just had sex bonerless
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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