surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
