Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
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There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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