I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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